My stress is gone. I know there are still details that I have concerns about but really and truly I feel ok now. Posting my feelings yesterday and the act of writing the post made me realize that I was resisting and judging myself for the feelings I was having. So to begin with, sharing and accepting helped.
Then there was the response. My heart feels so full right now it’s really hard to describe. The response came in texts, private messages through Facebook and in the Fibular Hemimelia and Limb Lengthening Awareness group.
It’s not he first time I have realized the power of vulnerability. I took Brene Brown’s awesome E-course The Gifts of Imperfection and of course read the book too. I absolutely loved it. Sometimes though, I take in these wonderful lessons only to loose sight of them. Being honest about my feelings is usually instinctual for me. With my experience as a mom of a child with Fibular Hemimelia, it’s a little different. Creating a support group and offering support in general, kinda made me feel like I needed to live up to the “No Fibular No Problem” name. How could I support others and give them hope if I was scared and sad myself?
The group let me know through their replies to my post that it was totally, absolutely, ok for me to share just like they do. They made me see how important it is to let them support me! I don’t have to be strong for them but I can be strong because I am one of them. I can let out my emotions and be completely understood. It is truly an amazing feeling. Having friends and family offer words of support is so uplifting as well. If I had not been honest I would have none of this.
“As you stress accept it. It’s a part of life, give it it’s due. Then remember all the things you have to be grateful for. Also a little chocolate is good for headaches.”
“Let me tell you a little story, not long ago… I was sitting on a bench in a lovely town near Baltimore, having the worst panic attack and stress EVER, my son was going to have surgery, my favorite aunt past away, my husband and daughter were far from me, and this wonderful lady called Jennifer, took me in, let me vent, and let me say bad words in spanish, took me for a walk with all the kids, and told me that our feelings make us who we are, if we didn’t have times of stress and despair it wouldn’t be natural. I almost cried in her porch, and she just smiled and told me, let it all out! It will get better. And you know what!! It did!!!
“Don’t ever feel because you are a “leader” or far into the journey that you can’t have weak, crappy, ticked off moments and know we will all be here to hand you the support you graciously give out all the time!”
“You have always been OUR shoulder to cry on, and been an incredible supportive person, i think its our time to give a Little back of everything you have given us, and teach us. It is absolutely normal to be stressed, and as Allison Says we are only 1 or 2 surgeries in, this is 14th for you, and each time is different, and it doesn’t matter if it were the 100th time its your boy it will always be stressful.”
“It’s such a crazy cycle to have to go thru. For some reason, experience seems to help the mind but not the heart.
Praying for peace for you tonight. thank you for sharing with us. I imagine for a great deal of us here it is an honor to be able to support you and your family after everything you have done for us.”
So there you have it, or at least a sampling. A sampling of love, kindness and connection! It was always there I just needed to open my heart and hand.
P.S. Nick is out playing in the snow. He’s relaxed and confident about it all right now. Yesterday he got to see a video of a younger gal using the magnet and lengthening her femur, just like he will. It was great for him to see that it is not painful. He also said being at the hospital with me will be just like “old times”. He has happy memories surrounding surgery. I am so grateful for this. Being positive and finding fun in it for him, is easier when I am able to express the mom parts, that are not necessarily easy parts. For Nick leg lengthening is a good thing! Time to follow his lead! Another reoccurring theme.