Instructions for when you forget you are a bad ass:

  1. Call people who know who you are so they can remind you.
  2. Help others!
  3. Post of Facebook. I know this may seem counterintuitive but I will explain.
  4. Do things you enjoy and can get lost in.
  5. Make a to do list containing at least 3 things you have already done so you can check them off at the start.

This is not meant to be an exhaustive list but these are a few of the things that have helped me recently. I have done other things like go to therapy, try to get more sleep (maybe the most difficult considering my 3am wake up routine), try not to drink whole bottles of wine on my own and maybe most important try to stay in the moment.

Just today.

Just now.

Just right this second. 

Right this second I can inhale deeply and exhale slowly and repeat. Right this minute I can call a friend or family member and express how I am feeling and ask for help or just ask him or her to listen. There are people who are almost always able to bring me back to what is real and true.

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words” Donna Roberts

I can’t help but not want to reach out to the same peeps over and over and since writing helps me I sometimes post my most personal stuff to Facebook.

I know many advise against this but I can say with confidence I have never regretted sharing there. Never. There I have a community of people who know just the right thing to write. I can hear their voices in my head as I read their responses.

This week I was feeling overwhelmed and ill equipped to handle what life was handing me or more accurately what I am worried life is handing me since at this moment I find myself somewhat trapped in the vortex of the unknown. I was trapped and felt like I was fighting so hard to stay afloat in my life that my head was going underwater but no one knew because I was keeping up my calm and capable facade.

That’s not true though. Someone knew for sure I was going under and that someone was my therapist. This week she told me she thought I was a couple steps away from a panic attack. I am fairly sure I have never before had a panic attack and I didn’t want to start now. She told me I needed to stay in the moment and think of ways to calm down. I just so happened to have registered for a T’ai Chi Chih class which started this week. It felt like a fool proof meditation and movement combo. I am pretty hopeful that starting a regular practice will help.

I also went to Batik class last night at Highlands Art Garage with Linda Celestian. Linda is a friend which made me much more inclined to try this for the first time a few months ago and again last night. I love Batik! Here is my unfinished product which will be boiled to get the wax off (where it is yellowish it will be white when completed). It’s not perfect but I enjoyed the process and I am totally happy with the outcome so far. Life isn’t about perfect and for me art is a great way to practice that belief in real time and with some context.

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Making a to do list that includes things you have already done is just fun. I just love to check off things and I know I am not the only one. Why not start your list feeling accomplished. Here are some I use:

  1. Drink Coffee
  2. Brush Teeth
  3. Create To Do List

Helping others is a no brainer! I have tried to take opportunities that naturally arise to be of use and service to others. My heart feels good when I am helping. The world needs more helpers and I want to be counted as one.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” Fred Rogers

We don’t need to wait for disaster to look for or be helpers.

Today.

Now.

This second.

We can be helpers.

We can be helpers even when we feel our own distress. Sometimes when I am feeling the most tender myself is when I can most readily see the tenderness in others.

For me this week I needed to be reminded of my strength. I needed to be reminded to stop letting my imagination go crazy. I needed to be reminded to breath and be in the moment. Here is one example of getting what I needed from someone who truly knows me and knew I needed reminding. My current anxiety isn’t all about Fibular Hemimelia but this was the first kick ass reminder I received:

Also, remember how far you’ve come how much you’ve learned! Your so far away from the young girl with an enormous journey in front of her with no one to lead the way! YOU created the effin road that made the journey easier for you, Nick and so many others! I’m biased but I know you got this! Take a minute refuel and kick some ass! Whether with insurance or with the help of all those who love and support you, Nick and the entire FH world! Xoxo Meg

I hope with all my heart that you all have a “Meg” and a community of friends to remind you that you are a bad ass, that you’ve got this and that you are not alone.