Dear Fear

So here we are again. Nick’s insert seems to have worked. He is walking without pain. It’s been less than 24 hours but he is at school now without crutches. I know you wanted to send them in with him just in case. I know you are sitting at the ready, waiting for the call from school. Why can’t you give me a break?

In the moment he walked and said he felt ok I wanted to cry tears of joy but you stopped me. You said, wait for it… wait for it… It seemed totally implausible that this insert could do anything.

And yet it did.

I made Nicholas promise to take it easy. He knows you. He knows my nervous but excited for you mom voice. He smiled, his beautiful smile, standing tall, lugging his 40 pound back pack into school like it’s just another day…

But it’s not.

Today he is free.

Maybe he is feeling you too. I hope not. I think I have enough fear for the both of us. I wont try to force you out but I also wont let you ride shotgun the way certainty did. Certainty left a an empty seat. It’s not yours. I am putting you in the trunk so I can get my school work done.

Love,

Me

PS Right now the insert is working. I know that if I remain in the now you will remain in the trunk!

5 thoughts on “Dear Fear”

  1. I am Jonathan’s Nonni. Keith’s mom. Alison shared your website.
    I feel your joy and pain. As a mom I know you bleed for your child when they suffer. Many are keeping you and Nick in their prayers.

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