Turn It Over

A post on the Fibular Hemimelia and Limb Lengthening Awareness Group has inspired me to write about fear. If you are a regular reader you know that I have experienced plenty of fear and I am sure I will continue to but there are some things I have mostly been able to let go of, and the ability to do that is why I am sane. 

Specifically when discussing surgery, I wrote that I turn that over to Dr. Standard. I do. I let that go. We chose a surgeon for our son who we trust. I mostly don’t worry about what happens during surgery. I don’t think too hard on how Nick’s rod was put in his femur. I don’t imagine the screws being drilled into this bone. In fact I hate even typing that. I don’t go there and it’s for the best. 

Interestingly Nicholas does not go there either. When people ask him if he is scared of surgery his replies make that clear. Once when asked he said “Why would I be scared? I’ll be sleeping”. 

Some people who are religious or spiritual can turn it over to God or the Universe. There is a part of me that does feel that things will unfold as they need to so stressing them really wont change anything. Worrying in this moment wont make the next easier or better. It just makes this one a bummer. 

Staying in the present moment is probably the truest and realest way I say sane. It involves letting go of worrying about the future. The future might be one hour from now, or one week from now, or one year from now. I am not always able to do it but when I do, when I try, I always feel better. 

Having a baby with a birth defect has shown me how important it is to be here now. How could I enjoy all his baby goodness if I was stressing what the future would bring for him. Of course I did stress some and I stressed a lot of other things too during that time in my life, but my stress never made anything better and yours wont either. 

So if you are a parent to a baby with fibular hemimelia and you are reading this please turn it over… Surgery fears can go to surgeons, or god, or the universe. Realize that worrying in this moment wont help your child one bit. Having a strong parent will. Thinking fearful thoughts does not make anyone feel strong. 

A deep breath with a s-l-o-w exhale often helps connect me to the present moment and turn it over. One intentional breath is sometimes all it to takes to remind me that right now things are ok and ok is actually, usually, pretty great. 

*** This does not mean that you should not research and educated yourself about surgery. I just think if you choose the right doctor and make a treatment plan together then you don’t have to stress those things!  I’ll have a follow up post soon about this piece of the puzzle.

2 thoughts on “Turn It Over”

  1. I’m with you– I know enough about the procedure and my surgeon to make an informed choice. But I trust my surgeon to make the choices about each cut. Some people watch actual videos of specific procedures. I’m sure if I did that it would freak me out. Put me totally to sleep, do what needs to be done, and tell me what I need to do next once I’m awake.
    My husband had a panic attack the week of my ankle/PRECICE surgery so I would not let him take me to the hospital — my 25 year old son did. Paul, my husband, has been driving me around ever since so he made up for it.

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    1. Letting people play to their strengths is a good thing. Steven and I always did that with Nick’s surgeries. We each did the parts we were good at. I am glad your family is able to be the team you need!

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