In Each Other’s Eyes

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Found this little gem on Facebook this morning. It made me smile. People have asked me why I do what I do and this is a big part of it. Trying to translate that feeling into a career seemed natural to me and maybe it is. I am in a Master of Social Work program. I thought I could be a hospital social worker. Maybe I will, who knows. Since starting school I have opened myself up to all possibilities, deciding to go where the work leads and see what happens.

Still I feel a pull toward families, and parents of children with differences in particular. I will never stop supporting fibular hemimelia families but I will have less time to do so when I am employed full time. Even now being in school has changed my availability. I am beginning to feel like I am into too many things. Focusing on Nick’s fibular hemimelia journey is always the priority and right now leg lengthening is the frame work my day is built around. That and meals. Dear god my kids are always hungry.

Monday I start my third class. My second class was really a challenge. Not so much because of the content (although the quantity of content was overwhelming at times) but because of the focus I lacked. With Nick having surgery and me having my small surgery and Monk dying, I could not focus which makes me a little anxious about starting my next course. End of school year is so busy. Nick is in the thick of this lengthening. Life feels like it’s pulling me in 10 different directions at one time.

And still I want to do all of the things I do. I wonder how I will manage. The whole point of this school thing is to actually be employed someday and I wonder how other moms do it. I know in some ways it has been a luxury to have been able to be a stay at home parent for so long (though it certainly does not feel luxurious, nor does it generally afford one actual luxury items). I know it’s a luxury to be able to go to graduate school and choose a path for myself. I also know the only way I will be able to do it, is to stay in the moment and connect regularly to why I am doing it.

Someday I will sit across from a client or in a group and see my reason reflected back at me and thats all the reason I need. That and being able to afford a cleaning person, which is an actual luxury I have always had my eyes on for whatever reason.

One thought on “In Each Other’s Eyes”

  1. The most important information I got in seminary was that it was all right to do simply all right on a course. Get by… you’re learning. Your kids are fed. Nick’s getting attention. Life is a teetertotter.. and you’re a pro. So proud, and so grateful that people will have your eyes to look into. Bon courage, my sweet.

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