“It’s not fair that I have to have a fixator

Today’s title and quote care of Nicholas of course. It does sound sad. It really feels unfair to Nick that he has a fixator but this morning it wasn’t the fixator that started this drama. It was the fact that Nick did not want to take his sister to school. He’s become a little resistant to leaving the house. I could worry that it’s some sort of psychological issue brewing but I honestly think he’s getting kind of lazy.

Having a lazy kid is a refreshingly normal problem. Life is settling into a new “normal” routine. We had settled into a “fixator life normal” and then Steven got a job. He is traveling at least two days a week. I don’t like to whine but it’s hard. I’d like to take this opportunity to tell parents who think the can’t handle this fixator life to look at me and reconsider. If I can do this on my own with four kids, I am fairly certain you can handle it too.

Thankfully I’ve had some help with school pick up and drop off but the rest is up to me. Evenings are the hardest when I have to cook dinner, do homework with Charlotte, leg wash with Nick, showers or baths all while supervising whatever’s going on while I do these things. Eyes in the back of my head would be oh so handy these days! Sometimes I’ll do leg wash in the afternoon while Bess naps. Sadly she rarely naps long enough anymore. Often I’ll wait till she’s in bed but it makes it a late night. Evenings were sometimes pretty hectic with Steven here. Doing it all alone feels miraculous when it’s done and slightly perilous while it’s happening.

Feeling like it’s not fair sounds a little familiar… Maybe I’m no different from most moms just trying to get it all done… Maybe it’s normal. I know I have to change the way I think about it. I am so glad Steven has a good job! I know it’s not easy for him to be away. Especially when he knows I’m struggling. The unfortunate answer to the travel thing is moving which is what we’ll likely be doing this summer.

Just a few hours ago Nick was feeling the unfairness of the fixator. Just now he climbed over one of the baby gates and said “Sometimes it’s like nothing having a fixator”. How’s that for a change of attitude. I think I’ll try to follow his example.