I’ve not been in a writing mood. As we near the one month mark of Nick’s time in the fixator I feel like there I so much to share. Still I just didn’t feel like it.
All in all things are going really well and life has settled into the kind of rhythm I knew it would. Past experience gave me the faith that that would happen. Some things are easier the 3rd time around, at least for me.
It’s not been easier for Nick. Emotionally he’s had some hard moments and hard nights even. I think this is perfectly normal considering he’s now 8 years old and realizes be has months longer with his leg trapped in rings with wires and pins going through it. Not a cheerful realization. And yet he had had awesome moments too. Like when he told us he was going to be a football player once be got the fixator off because if he could deal with that he was strong enough to deal with anything. And he would show the world that even with one leg shorter than the other he could be a great football player. He would be tall and strong, of course! Nick saw me make a face when he said this and he looked in my eyes and said “I’m not scared Mom” and I replied “but I am”.
It’s the truth in more ways than one. I’ve been scared of many things in these last few months. Fibular Hemimelia related and not. But my boy is brave! I have to try to be brave too even if I would never let him near a football field. At some point it won’t be my choice but for now it is.
Nicks has some nerve pain and he’s had some bone grinding on bone pain. The nerve pain necessitated our slowing down turns and doing the top turns one day and the bottom on the next. A little research led me to the knowledge that these kind of nerve issues are 70% more likely with Nicks double level bone cuts in his tibia. Thankfully slowing down stopped the pain. Things have gone pretty smoothly since the slow down.
Except on the emotional side. It seemed that once the physical stuff got under control Nick got sad. Through some long nights of hugs, talking and listening, Nick has come through it. It’s still early and I know we’ll have more bumps in the road but I have faith that we’ll get through it.
“I don’t like the fixator but I like what it’s doing for my leg”. That’s what Nick said recently. That’s how we all feel I think. I still want to fill in some of the details of the last month but we’re at the RIAO now and I have to take Charlotte to the play room to get some toys to bring in to Nicks room. We’re in room 3A. I don’t know how many times we’ve been here in this room. This place is so familiar now. As familiar as the fixator itself which still shocks most folks. New parents I am sure feel the shock just sitting here. I wish I could tell them that they won’t feel that forever. That really they’ll come here with hope more than anything else. And hunger. Waiting makes me so hungry. Bring snacks people! Sage advice from a veteran parent. Bring snacks.