Nick has been having a hard time falling asleep. By 9:45 last night I finally thought to ask him if there was anything on his mind! He began to cry a little and told us that he is scared of surgery. I told him it was normal to be scared and ok to cry! Then I asked if he could tell us specifically some examples of what he is scared of so we could talk about it and try to help.
One fear was the epidural. With the last surgery he was worried about it coming out by accident. He asked what would happen if it came out by accident. I told him it wouldn’t hurt and nothing would happen since he will be on other pain meds to. This is so different than when he was five. Just him knowing what the epidural is!
Another fear was something going wrong during surgery. We both told him that in all his previous surgeries nothing has gone wrong and even if something did, Dr. Standard is there to take care of it! More specifically I said “Dr. Standard is the best, right?” Nick agreed. “I trust him to take care of you because he always has and he loves you, right?”. Then Nick said “yes and he said his kids use to like pokemon”.
I don’t think Dr. Standard has actually said I love you, but I don’t think that matters. I do believe he loves Nicholas and will take care of him and do what’s best for him. I always have some worries during surgery about anastesia (I just want to see him awake ASAP) but I don’t worry about things going wrong with Nick’s leg. I just don’t think there’s reason to and even if I did worry what would it change?
This next surgery will likely entail ankle reconstruction, tibia lengthening and femur lengthening. It is a lot! The potential 10cm makes it seem worth it. Nick’s difference is already 6cm. He’s such a big boy! He needs a lot of length to be able to go awhile without another surgery. I am wondering if after this Nick will reconsider the shortening surgery…
Now it’s time to focus on planning the logistics and helping Nick emotionally. We’re also going to have a presurgery party! I’m thinking maybe a karaoke party with family and Nicks classmates. I will do anything for my boy. I still wish I could take this all away. Even with all the goodness that has come out of it. Since that’s not possible we’ll do our best with what we have, make the most of it, make meaning and maybe even make music! Nick Curley’s karaoke night here we come!